Jill's Hope: November 2022

October 26, 2022 - November 26, 2022

It still feels so surreal that Larry is really gone. We are doing well, all things considered, but our family will never be the same again in this life and that is a lot to process and wrap our hearts and mind around.

I no longer have a husband to touch, confide in, or depend on for the many things he did to take care of our family. My children no longer have a father to hug, cuddle up with, play with, look up to, or draw from his wealth of knowledge. What we have been left with is a deep hole in our hearts that will always be there until we are reunited as a family. This hole leaves us with grief that we know will always be there, but will lessen with the passing of time.

We have also been left with so many wonderful memories and so many wonderful blessings from Larry being part of our lives. We have been blessed with an incredible eternal family, we have been blessed by Larry's testimony of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and his love for his Savior, we have been blessed by his example of service to others, we have been blessed by his intellect and all of the things he taught our family (from his scriptural knowledge, mechanical knowledge and skills, to his wealth of knowledge about our country and the principles of freedom), and his many years of hard work that have put our family in a position to be able to carry on in his absence.

This month we celebrated Larry's birthday and Thanksgiving. His birthday, which was November 12th, fell on a Saturday this year and we celebrated it at the Dude Ranch in Malad with our Ward Feed & Seed crew. This company has been his baby since 2007 and I know that Larry would have been pleased that we celebrated his birthday in this way. I also made and served his favorite dessert that I made him every year for his birthday. It is the Robert Redford dessert (aka Better Than Sex cake) that starts with a crunchy layer made of flour, butter, and nuts followed by a layer of cream cheese, powdered sugar and vanilla, then a pudding layer and topped off with cool whip and shaved nuts and chocolate on top. Yummy! Sadly, he had not been able to eat it for the past couple of years, but our employees happily enjoyed it for him.

For Thanksgiving we went to Larry's brother, Lonny's, house in Genola, UT. We call this group of family our "Southern Ward Family". We spent the first six year of our marriage living by this part of the family and we have remained close through the years. I am so grateful that they have always opened up their home to us with open arms, especially during this year of grief that we are going through. Thanksgiving without Larry there was hard, especially as we sat down for dinner and it was blatantly obvious that there was an empty chair. Regardless of the hole that we felt, we still had a great time eating, visiting, and playing games. The kids had a blast having a nerf war at the church and playing ping pong out in the garage. Grief is an interesting thing as you can experience fun, joy, and happiness while at the same time feeling a constant nagging of loss inside your body. We have chosen to move forward and live our best lives through the grief as there is so much of life still to live and that is what Larry would have wanted us to do.

The day after Thanksgiving I was able to do my weekly temple trip at the beautiful Payson, UT temple. Rachel and I went and did some baptisms and confirmations for some of our ancestors. After the temple we were able to meet up with Enoch, his girlfriend, Tailey, and her family for lunch.

After lunch with Tailey's family we were able to go down to Kanosh and visit my sister, Ann, and her family and also my brother, Matt. I love and miss them so much and was grateful to have this opportunity as I don't get to see them very often. Bekah was able to get in some much needed "baby therapy" time with baby Emily.

The ACE store continues to go up. This has been very healing to watch Larry's work from the past six years come to fruition.

Other Random Events From the Month

Our first snow storm of the year!

I was able to take these two cuties (Nate and his friend Ashton) to the library for the monthly reading club.

We received the most thoughtful gifts from our Bishop and his wife, Hollie. The BYU football that was given to Nate will be treasured forever. The girls and I received these beautiful necklaces. For my necklace Hollie had taken a picture of parts a letter that Larry had written to me that was displayed at the funeral and had the words in Larry's writing put on my necklace. On the front of my necklace it says, "My Dearest Jill" and on the back it says"Love Larry" all in his beautiful handwriting that I love so much. The girls necklaces say "Love You Dad" also in Larry's handwriting. Benjamin received a key chain with our family motto on it--"Everyday In Every Way We Get A Little Better. Hurrah for Israel!"

I got a copy of the pattern to make this memory bear out of Larry's clothing. This should be a fun Christmas project for me and the girls!

On our way to UT County for Thanksgiving we stopped at Primary Children's for an appointment for Rachel. Miraculously, she has not used her feeding tube in a year and a half and is doing great! She is scheduled for surgery to have the tube removed on December 22nd. I never thought this day would come. What a miracle!!!