Two Month Anniversary of Larry's Passing

Today marks the two month anniversary of Larry's passing. Even though it has only been 60 days, it feels like 10 years to me. At last Friday's football game (Westside-vs-Malad) they did a special tribute in honor of Larry at half-time where they released purple balloons in his honor for pancreatic cancer awareness. Right before we took the field at half-time, #43 scored a touch down. This was such a cool tender mercy as Larry loved playing football in high school and his football number was #43.💙💙💙

My good friend's daughter got married last weekend and she kindly gifted me these beautiful flowers for Larry's grave. Today is my temple day. Couldn't think of a better way to honor Larry and feel close to him and God. God is good, people are good and I am so grateful for eternal families.

This month I had my first dream about Larry. Nate was sleeping with me as he often does since Larry's death. In the dream I was laying in bed and heard the bedroom door open. I could not believe my eyes when I saw Larry walk in the door. I could see him, I could touch him, I could feel him. For whatever reason he still had his medical equipment hooked up to him and he ripped all of it off because he didn't need it anymore. We hugged, we laughed, and we talked. After calling all of the children into the room and visiting with them for quite some time, we finally had some alone time which was very special. Sadly, I woke up at about 2 a.m. only to realize that this had all been a dream. I was very excited, however, as I have wanted to have a dream like this and I finally did.

My second month started off with this exciting news!!! Larry and I are going to be grandparents for the 2nd time. It is comforting to know that Grandpa Larry will be watching over this one from the other side, may even get to bid them farewell as they cross over to our side of the veil.

Received this beautiful flower arrangement that now hangs above my bed. It was made by my extremely talented friend and her daughter, Rachel Harris. These are some of the flowers that were on Larry's casket that they took home and dried. Rachel is the wife of Nate Harris (one of Larry's mission companions that he has always considered one of his best friends).

I attended my first LDS Widowers Conference in Logan with Larry's cousin, Julie, (on the left) who also became a widow nine years ago when her husband died of cancer. The lady on the right is my new friend, Melissa, whose husband also died of pancreatic cancer. Two nuggets that I took away from the conference are that everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time and that when we have a spouse pass away and leave a hole in the family unit that it is the natural tendency for us as spouses or our children to want to step in and fill that role, but it is important to remember that our spouse still has that role, so rather than try to fill it we have to manage the responsibilities that they are no longer here to do. I did not attend any of the activities at the conference, but I hope to at the next one.

Ok, so I am a sucker for my kids and for cute dogs. Meet "Buddy" our new Pompsky and "Sis" our new Goldendoodle who will be coming home to join our family in about another four weeks. Nate naturally wanted to name his dog "Larry", but I was able to talk him into "Buddy" because that is what his dad used to call him. "Sis" is what Rachel's dad used to call her.

Some of our fun activities this month have included a fall festival at the Samaria park and a pumpkin walk in Logan.

One of Larry's big projects for about the past six years has been putting in a new feed store. After exploring several options we have decided to combine our feed store with ACE Hardware. It is very healing to watch Larry's dream come to fruition. It is located in Malad just off of the freeway North of Burger King. This 17,000 square foot store will be a huge upgrade from the 1,200 square foot store that we are currently in. It scheduled to be completed May 2023.

The windshield in what used to be Larry's prius had two huge cracks in it that desperately needed to be replaced, one in the top of the windshield and one in the bottom. Last week I was FINALLY able to get all of the insurance arranged and get in for an appointment. It was so nice to drive home with a crisp, clear windshield. The next morning on my way to Preston (about 10 minutes of being on the road) I pass a truck and ended up with a big old chip in my windshield (grrrrrrr!). In the past I would have totally fallen apart and let it ruin my day, but I just laughed about the irony of it all. It is so symbolic of so many things about life. Just when you get things in perfect order you will often be thrown a curve ball. This happened to Larry and I time and time again throughout our marriage, especially when it came to finances. We would just get something paid off and think we had a little bit of money when almost immediately we would have some big expense come out of now where. It seems that the Lord would always put situations in our life to help keep us humble. Luckily, I have a friend who repairs windshields and she was miraculously able to get the chip stopped and down to a minimal size. This story also reminds me of how when we making mistakes and committing sins is symbolic of the big cracks that I had in my windshield. If we spend time with the one who knows how to fix the cracks, we may never be exactly the same, but he can help us fix things and heal.

One of my favorite features of Larry's body were his hands. He had such strong, working mans hands and I loved them so much. He wore a size 11 ring and maintained that same size until the day he passed away, even though he was down to 95 pounds. Today I went and picked up his ring that I had re-sized to a 6.5 so that I can wear it. When I purchased the ring at the time of our wedding, I had the following engraved in it: "Eternally Yours 5/24/97". It will be a lifetime remind to me of the eternal family that we have and the covenants that we have made with God and the promises that we have been given.

I am still attending the temple weekly and go for my weekly massage. Both of these things have been such incredible tools as I work to heal from the loss of my dear husband and try to adjust to all of the changes of not having him here. I have also continued to read the Book of Mormon out loud every night (like I was doing for Larry every night before he passed) and I am planning to finish it by Christmas.

Following is a quote about death that by Pres. Russell M. Nelson that I came across this month and really liked:

"The sting of death is soothed by a steadfast faith in Christ, a perfect brightness of hope, a love of God and of all men and a deep desire to serve them. That faith, that hope, that love, will qualify us to come into God's holy presence and with our eternal companions and families dwell with him forever."