Since last Wednesday our family has been through a roller coaster of emotions. We were told that the results from Larry's biopsy would be back in 48 hours which would have been 11:00 am Wed. morning. At 1:00 pm I texted the doctor and he said that he had not heard anything yet. When 5:00 rolled around I just assumed that we would not be hearing back that night.
Wednesday night we met at the shooting range as a family so that Nate could try out his new gun when he opened it up. As my mind was quite distracted by the unknown results of Larry's biopsy, I forgot to bring the pizza's to Nate's party at the shooting range. I ended up going to a nearby gas station and getting corn dogs for everybody. Nate loved his gun, even though it was almost as big as him, but it was all we could find that was not a cheap gun that was just going to get broken again.
Bekah and I had to leave the party early because she had to get to dance. On our way we stopped by the house when I received a text from Dr. Ott asking if Larry and I could call him at 6:00 pm. We ended up getting on a conference call when we were given the shocking, horrible news that Larry had stage IV pancreatic cancer that had metastasized to his liver. 35+ hospital stays, countless CT scans, several "specialists", history of Larry's grandmother dying of pancreatic cancer at age 49, 40 lb. weight loss in a very short amount of time, jaundice, and knowledge that Larry carried the ATM gene which is known to cause breast and pancreatic cancer, and a wife constantly asking that they made sure that it was not cancer and they missed it! These are the reasons that the news came as such a shock to me.
The doctor suspects that the cancer started eight years ago and was the cause of the pancreatitis. In retrospect the biotoxins that we were exposed to in 2013 likely triggered the ATM which started the cancer process in Larry. The tumor would then cause blockage in the common bile duct which resulted in countless excruciating painful pancreatic attacks that have created total havoc on our lives. All this time we were on the watch for cancer that had developed as a result of the pancreatitis, but we had it backwards the whole time. This would explain the dream that I had the week before we received the tragic news. I rarely remember my dreams, but this one I did. It bothered me so much, that I even called the doctor the next morning to share it with him and the concerns I had.
I dreamed that Larry was at the hospital and they were just moving him around like a rag doll because he had lost so much weight. I just kept thinking they have missed something, they have missed something! I couldn't figure out what the something was. At the end of my dream I ended up winning a 3 million dollar law suit (that is the part of the dream that I did not share with him.😏I ask him if it was possible that the TPN line was not hooked up right and he was not receiving all of his nutrition. It just made no sense to me why Larry's energy had gotten worse on the TPN, his coloring had gotten worse, and his first week on it he lost 8 pounds. Looking back I suspect that the cancer was having a hay day coming from all of those feedings. The sugar in the TPN is so high that you actually inject insulin into the feedings because the sugar content is so high (we were doing about 50 cc of insulin per feeding).
We decided to talk to the children about the news at about 8:00 when everybody could be there and we could have Dallin and Alyssa on a conference call. I don't know if they were too taken by surprise as they knew something was up. I wish that I had recorded the things that Larry had said to the children because it was beautiful. Essentially he explained to them that he was very sick and may only be with our family for a few more short months in this life. He told them that it was not his desire to leave our family, but he was not afraid to die and return to the arms of his Savior. He reminded them that our separation would only be temporary as we had been sealed as an eternal family and would be together again if we lived worthily to do so.
After many tears were shed we had some really good laughs about a lot of different things. Some of the boys expressed a desire to take over the business and carry on the legacy of their father. I told them that they had better marry a good bookkeeper! After sharing the news publicly we received the news we received dozens of messages, phone calls, and we even had a couple of visitors stop by. It was very funny to me to watch Spencer baking and passing around plates of deliciously seasoned vegetable to our guests where most people would have served cookies. Spencer has done a phenomenal job at managing his Type 1 diabetes through diet and has had a very positive influence in our family in helping us to eat more healthy.
Thursday morning we left for the Logan temple where we performed proxy sealings. It was a very tender moment taking each other by the hand, kneeling across the alter from each other, and looking at our reflections in the temple mirrors as we were reminded of the covenants that we made to God and each other 23 years prior. These covenants took on an extra special meaning after the news that we had received the night before. People must have wondered why we had tears streaming down both of our faces, but this was a moment that brought so many uncontrollable emotions to the surface. We then spent the rest of the afternoon running errands and picking up products to begin our battle against cancer. It may not have been the news that we were hoping for, but at least now we knew what we were up against!
Thursday night we were pleasantly surprised when Dallin and Alyssa showed up at our house. Dallin had told his boss about the news about Larry and he told him to take Friday and the weekend off and go see his family. Larry had a really bad night, having another shaking episode like he had had right after the biopsy, and Dallin was so kind to take care of him through the night. From the reading I have done this is likely a result of a liver that is struggling.
Coming to visit us was an especially big sacrifice for Alyssa because she is due to have her baby any day now and was taking the risk of going into labor while they were away from home. They had already made the decision that if something were to happen they would go to the Logan hospital. Luckily, she didn't go into labor and they were able to make it home. She is scheduled to be induced on August 6th if they have not had her by that time. Dallin and Alyssa brought Larry and I each a prompted life history journal so that we could both start writing our family history. It was so sweet and thoughtful of them.
Saturday was pioneer day where they celebrate the arrival of the pioneers into the valley. As part of that celebration in Weston they do a benefit dinner for a family in need. This year we were very touched when they ask if they could do it for our family. It is hard to put into words the strength that you feel when your community comes out to support you in this way. It was so great to visit with so many of our friends and family and share some good times together. They said that they planned to serve 400 people, but ended up running to get more foods as they ended up serving 500 people. We appreciate all of those who came and went through all of the work of putting together such an amazing meal. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
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