Larry's Passing

It is 12:15 in the morning. Ever since Larry's passing on Friday, August 6, 2022, I have been getting up around 3 a.m in the morning. This morning was exceptionally early. Overall I have been doing pretty good. I try to stay busy and not dwell on the reality of my life--being a widow at the age of 49 with two kids still left at home and three of our children whom are disabled. I acknowledge the grieving when it comes, which often surfaces as I come across things in my house that remind me of Larry, but for the most part I stay focused on my blessings. I have been blessed with so much considering our current situation. Larry left me with seven beautiful children, in a decent financial state, and because of our temple sealing I know that our family has been sealed together and that we will see each other again. I can't even put into words the comfort that this knowledge brings to me and our children.

My plan for now is to stay where I am at for at least the next nine years when Nate graduates from high school. We have a beautiful home, are surrounded by incredible neighbors, and our children love and are doing well in our school district. Larry is also buried at the Oxford cemetery which is just a couple of miles down the road from us. My biggest concern is enduring nine more Idaho winters on this hill that we live on in the middle of nowhere and of coarse all of the maintenance of our property and care of the animals. Fortunately, I have had several of our neighbors offer to help and I am confident that we will be well taken care of. Larry may get some good laughs out of my mechanical and technical skills (or lack thereof), but I have full confidence that it will all work out.

The morning of Larry's passing was so different and so much more peaceful than I could have ever imagined. By the time he finally passed, I think we were all pleading with the Lord to take him home to the master healer as he was in so much pain and quickly losing weight and abilities. The night before he passed the bishopric had come to visit. They had wanted to come together sooner, but they were waiting for one of the members of the bishopric to get back into town. Larry had been serving as first counselor in this bishopric for almost three years and he loved these men that he served with and especially working with the youth that he had stewardship over. We had a wonderful visit rehashing old memories and talking about sports until about 10 p.m. As the Bishop was getting ready to leave he turned around to see Larry stand in his very weakened condition and throw his fist in the air as he emphatically declared, "Hurrah for Israel!" This is a rally cry that they repeated often in the bishopric and one that we used as part of our morning family cheer before the children left for school. This battle cry was first used by Brigham Young and Heber C. Kimball shouted as they bid farewell to their sick families and departed on their mission to England, despite being ill themselves.This phrase could be translated as "Yah for the Kingdom of God!" None of us had any idea that that conversation with Larry would be the last they would have with him in this mortal life.

We were finally getting ready for bed at 12:30 a.m. and Larry ask me to please draw up his meds. Normally he slept in our bed by me, but this night he decided to sleep in his recliner in the living room and I slept on the couch next to him because I was afraid he would fall in the middle of the night and I wouldn't hear him. At about 5 a.m. I woke up to check on him and noticed that he hadn't taken his meds. I turned on the light to check on him and found him in a coma (completely unresponsive) with his eyes open. A spirit of peace that surpasseth all understanding  came over my whole body and I felt so calm. I turned on some hymns for us to listen to and continued going through pictures on my computer in preparation for his funeral video as at this point we all knew that he would soon be departing this mortal life. Hospice had prepared us that at some point he would enter a comatose stage that would likely last for a couple of days to a couple of weeks. When this happened they talked to us about monitoring him for signs of pain as we would need to dose his medicine for him and the eventual need to bring in a catheter and a hospital bed. 

After enjoying a special hour with Larry I realized that I probably had better get one of my older boys to come and help monitor Larry. I chose Dallin because Spencer had had a very long night because his wife  had hit and totalled their car when she had hit a deer with their car the night before. They had had so many obstacles in their journey to Provo and return to school at BYU. As they had to leave early that morning I figured that I had probably better let him get his sleep. Dallin came up and we rubbed Larry's feet while we talked to him and continued to listen to hymns. During this time it seemed to me that Larry was seeing things on the other side of the veil as his eyes would light up and have a wondrous look in them. I kept asking him questions and trying to get him to respond, but it was to no avail. After about an hour of just Dallin, myself, and Larry being together Dallin thought that we should invite the children into the room. By this time it was about 7:30 a.m.

Again the spirit of peace just filled the room as we each took turns picking hymns to sing together, our two favorite being "Be Still My Soul" and "God Be With You Til We Meet Again", both of which we ended up singing as part of the funeral program. During this special family time with Larry Spencer and Molly came in to say goodbye. We had no idea how long this state that Larry was in would last so they chose to give him a hug and kiss and head for Provo. At some point during our singing Dallin stood and monitored Larry on one side and Ben stood and monitored him on the other. At 8:40 a.m. Dallin said, "momma he's gone" as he recognized that he no longer had a pulse. Rachel, who had been cuddling with Larry, continued to cuddle with him until the funeral home arrived to pick him up about an hour later. What also added to our comfort was that our stake president works as a mortician and was the one who came to pick Larry up. Upon Larry's passing, Nathan ran down to his bedroom and grabbed his journal to make his first journal entry which stated something to the effect that his father had passed away on Friday, August 26th, 2022 at 8:40 a.m. Sadly, both Spencer and Enoch were not there for his passing. Spencer had already left and Enoch had stayed the night in Ephraim to watch his girlfriend dance at half time at the football game and was planning to drive up that morning. Fortunately, as we never knew when would be the last time we would see Larry we always made sure to say a final goodbye to him every time that we would leave.

The Saturday night prior to his passing he had ask Enoch for a blessing of release. Enoch had come home to visit Larry after returning from a business trip to Chicago. Enoch had written a song for Larry entitled "I'm Going to Miss You" which was a beautiful song that consisted of Enoch singing and playing the guitar and being intertwined with short interviews that Enoch had been recording of Larry throughout the year. Enoch wanted to play it for him when he was close to passing. He ask me if I thought it was time to play the song and I told him yes. After hearing the song Larry ask if Enoch could please play that song at his funeral. Larry had also ask Enoch, in the last conversation that they had with one another which was over the phone, to play the song the "Savior's Lullaby" which Enoch had written while on his mission and sent to Larry when he was going through a really hard time. We listened to that song often as a great source of comfort. Enoch reluctantly agreed to play the latter as he was nervous about playing it for several reasons, but my DIL, Alyssa, sang it with him and they did an amazing job.

That Saturday night Larry had come into the kitchen for family dinner and tried to eat, but to no avail. I threw away a lot of uneaten plates of Larry's for several months. The desire to eat was there, but he had lost his ability to eat. Being the nurturer and caretaker that I am this was very hard for me and came with tears of grieving and frustration. After not being able to eat Larry ask Enoch and I to meet him in the bedroom where he ask Enoch to give him a blessing of release. I ask Larry if he could please wait a few hours until we could get our older boys there. Larry said no. I knew that he had finally made up his mind that it was finally time to go and that it would be just a matter of time before he would leave us. It was such a surreal experience to reach over and touch him and know that the ability to do that would soon be coming to an end. We told each other constantly how much we loved each other and how much we were going to miss each other. 

After gathering all of the children for family prayers and having them say a special goodnight to their father, we got the older boys on the phone and Enoch gave him a blessing of release. I had called the older boys as soon as Larry had ask for that blessing and they had already gotten on the road and were headed our way. Everyone finally arrived at about 2 a.m. and we were all finally able to enjoy some rest at about 4 a.m. after sharing a couple of very special hours together. 

At about 11 p.m. that night the Spirit reminded me that Larry had not yet seen his niece Shauna who had recently returned from serving a mission in Washington. I called her mother, Lorraine, and told her what was going on and they were here until 1 a.m. visiting with Larry. Shauna was such a trooper as she was scheduled to give her homecoming talk in church the next morning. That same night I was also told of people that Larry would be going to teach in the spirit world after he passed. This brought great comfort to my heart to know that Larry's life would continue to have purpose and that he would once again be returning to the missionary work that he loved so much.

By Sunday afternoon word had spread that Larry had ask for a blessing of release and we had a house full of people that had come to visit him. Because of Larry's fragile state we were allowing just a couple of people in to visit him at a time and we had to limit visits to about five minutes. The Bishop and some of the young men from the ward were some of the first to come. Bishop gave Larry a beautiful priesthood blessing that included blessings to extend to our family.

Through the process of Larry passing our family received a lot of closure. For the whole time that our children have been in school Larry has given them a priesthood blessing at the beginning of the school year. The night after he received a blessing of release was the night we had on our calendar to do the yearly back to school father's blessings. Over the coarse of two days (Sunday and Monday) he was able to give each of the children and myself a blessing that we were able to record. It was such a spiritual experience that I will always remember. He would bring the child into the room and ask me to say a prayer that he would have the strength to give the blessing. Between blessings he would pretty much collapse, but he was blessed with the strength to complete all of these blessings and they will be a treasure to each of us for the rest of our lives.

Not only is it a miracle that Larry was able to give these blessings, but it was also a miracle that he passed away while he was still completely independent, aside from the assistance of his walker. That is the way that he would have wanted to go and we are so grateful we were blessed with this and such a peaceful passing.