Meeting with Oncologist

Even though Larry and I knew that we would likely choose not to go the traditional route of chemo and radiation we chose to meet with an oncologist anyway, just to make sure that we had covered all of our bases and weren't missing something. We ended up meeting with him for about three hours, and even though we did learn a lot, it turned out to be one of the most discouraging and depressing meetings of our lives.

We discussed everything from all of the options available for treatment to preparing for Larry's passing. It was hard, and even discouraging, to actually see the tumors and cancer on the imaging that the oncologist shared with us. It just made everything too real to actually physically be able to see the enemy that we are fighting.

The hope that the oncologist gave us in the medical field was maybe a year to live, instead of the three months that we had been given, if we were to do chemo and radiation. If we were to go down that road, however, there was a whole host of horrible side effects, including death. In our minds why would we want to spend the very limited amount of time we had left with Larry sick from the chemo and radiation and the possibility of dying anyway from the treatment. 

As we shared with him the different treatments we were doing (organic fruits & vegetables/juicing, vitamin c infusions, hyberbaric chamber, B17, essiac tea, plant based minerals, milk thistle, fenbendazole, etc), and our intent to go to a cancer treatment center in Mexico, he shot down all of them, including stories and his experiences of how these were false hopes. As these things were the only things giving us hope for healing and remission it was very hard on both of us to have the hope we had smashed into a million pieces.

When we returned to the car, it took us a good 30 minutes to even be able to compose ourselves enough to drive anywhere. Larry was crying inconsolably because he really wanted to be here to raise his children and did not want to leave them without a Father. I was finally able to dig deep into my emotions and remind Larry that we needed to change our paradigm. Before we went into that meeting we were full of optimism and hope and I knew that to have any chance of fighting this we needed to find that again. I also reminded him that we needed to believe what we could see with our own eyes. We had seen improvements and progress towards healing with the treatments that we were doing and we needed to keep believing that they could work and keep hoping and praying for a miracle.

Even though it took us a few days to get our heads on straight, we are now stronger than we were and more determined than ever to fight and beat the cancer that is trying to take over his body. We recognize that we have all the odds stacked against us statistically (stage IV pancreatic cancer that has metastasized to the liver, coupled with the complications from pancreatitis), but we are going to put in the work and trust that if it is God's will we will see a miracle! With God's help we know that all things are possible.