I love celebrating the birth of this country that I LOVE so much! I was so lucky to be born on July 3rd and every year I get to celebrate my birthday in conjunction with all of the 4th of July festivities! For the past several years, we have celebrated the 4th of July in Malad with our family. Normally we go to the parade, the shoot-out, followed by delicious BBQ food at his brother's house, sometimes the melodrama in the afternoon, Malad's Got Talent, and fireworks after dark! Due to Larry's health, we had a very scaled back version of our normal activities. Larry was only able to make it to the parade and he didn't even make it to the meladrama play with me in the afternoon that he was hoping to go with me to for my birthday. I was very surprised, however, when we got home from the play, and I walked into the kitchen where Larry was holding a cake with candles and everyone yelled surprise! Sadly, Larry was not able to eat any of the cake or any of the other delicious food that we had to eat. He said this was the most tempted he has been to eat since he started the TPN feedings.
Through this process I think we have both developed a love/hate relationship with food. I have always tried to feed my family healthy. What I consider to be healthy has changed over the years, but dealing with the extremely unpredictable side effects of pancreatitis, has about killed my love or desire for cooking. I will cook a meal that he was fine with the day before and he gets to the dinner table and says he can't eat it. I will cook a meal that fits all of the "normal" pancreatitis friendly foods (low-fat, fruits, vegetables, whole grains, legumes, and healthy fats with careful portion control) and we could still end up in the hospital. The worst is when we would go out to eat together (something that I would really look forward to) and I would end up eating by myself because he wasn't able to eat anything. It has truly been a maddening experience for both of us! I look forward to the day when I get the courage to pull out my cookbook once again and have confidence that dinnertime will not end with a trip to the hospital.
Larry has only had a couple of good days since being on the TPN and of great concern has been his continued weight loss. About three days ago the doctor increased his feedings by 500 calories a day. He seems to be doing better on the increased calories and I am praying that we are turning a corner. I also pray everyday that the inflammation in his pancreas will significantly decrease (or even go away would be fine with me) before our next CT scan which is scheduled in a few weeks. I also pray that his body will get stronger so that he will be able to withstand the rigors of his upcoming, life changing surgery.
Even though we are facing some extreme challenges, I still count my blessings everyday because we have truly been richly blessed. Just the fact that we have the opportunity to have this surgery and have a new shot at life is a miracle to me. I have also been truly amazed at the doors that have been opened for this surgery to happen, both financially and with our temporal needs being met. We are both so grateful to God for all of the wonderful family and friends that we are surrounded by. Your love and prayers have truly sustained us through these very difficult times and for that we are grateful.
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